“A woman who conceals her emotions and says ‘Nothing’s wrong,’ rather than being open-hearted and honest, will begin to harbor bitter resentment. Then, after resentment has conceived, it gives birth to contempt; and contempt, when it is full-grown, brings forth death: the death of the relationship.”
— The God Pill
Resentment:
Definition: Resentment refers to the feeling of displeasure or indignation stemming from being wronged or mistreated, either perceived or actual. It often arises from an injustice or unfairness, such as being overlooked, mistreated, or wronged.
Characteristics:
- Prolonged Emotion: Resentment can linger for a long time, sometimes even for years.
- Passive: It is often held internally and may not be explicitly expressed.
- Rooted in Past Events: Typically arises from past events or situations.
- Internal Struggle: May involve holding onto grudges or not being able to let go of past hurts.
Example: Holding onto anger about a spouse’s blunder or betrayal that happened years ago.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
— Eph. 4:32, ESV
Contempt:
Definition: Contempt is a feeling that something or someone is not worthy of any respect or approval. In relationships, it often surfaces as a sense of superiority over one’s partner and may include mockery, sarcasm, or disdain.
Characteristics:
- Disrespectful: It involves looking down upon or devaluing the other person.
- Active Expression: Often expressed through sarcasm, eye-rolling, mockery, or derisive language.
- Destructive: Considered one of the most harmful emotions in a relationship.
- Rooted in Present Perception: Arises from current feelings of superiority or disdain.
Example: Mocking your partner’s achievements or belittling their emotions.
“As the Ark of the Lord entered the City of David, Michal, the daughter of Saul, looked down from her window. When she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she was filled with contempt for him. She said in disgust, ‘How distinguished the king of Israel looked today, shamelessly exposing himself to the servant girls like any vulgar person might do!'”
— 2 Sam. 6:16, 20, NLT
In Relationships:
Resentment can be a silent killer in relationships as it may be held internally and not communicated, leading to a slow decay of the relationship quality.
Contempt, on the other hand, is overtly damaging and is often cited as one of the strongest predictors of divorce, according to various relationship experts, including Dr. John Gottman. It erodes the respect partners have for each other and can lead to an outright breakdown of the relationship.
Both emotions, if left unchecked, can spell certain doom for the relationship and require prudence, awareness, and a sound mind to effectively navigate through them. It’s critical to recognize and address these red flags early on to protect yourself and safeguard the relationship.
“Women, being the calculating gender, know all too well to hit the gym months prior to a break up—she’s not getting in shape for you, she’s getting ready to hit the ground running with the next guy she’ll be f*cking.”
— Rollo Tomassi
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