Will Abstinence Kill Our Intimacy?

You're asking the wrong question.

The question isn't, "Will abstinence hurt our intimacy?" It's, "How do we honor and obey God?"

That's part of what it means to take up your cross. Following Christ means God gets your obedience—

—even when obedience costs you something you deeply desire.

A divided heart asks, "How much can I keep and still follow God?" A man after God's heart asks, "What does God require of me?"

And as the man, this starts with self-governance and responsibility—especially when the temptation isn't coming from you.

Often the hardest test comes when she loses her resolve, initiates, and pulls you toward the very thing you've both agreed to leave behind. Don't repeat Adam's failure: when she reaches for what God forbids, don't follow her into it.

Scripture says flee sexual immorality. Your job is to hold the line even when she wants to cross it. A disciplined man governs himself, covers his woman, and leads the relationship away from temptation rather than deeper into it.

As for intimacy: taking sex away may reveal that there's far more substance underneath your relationship than you realized—

—or it may reveal the harder truth: sex was doing the work of intimacy, masking how little substance the relationship actually has.

Either way, you need to know the truth before you put a ring on her finger.

And one thing even more important than the sexual question: you're both exploring Christianity. Before marriage, find out whether you're merely adopting Christian values or actually following Christ.

God first. Relationship second. Desire in its proper place.

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality."
— 1 Thessalonians 4:3 (ESV)

✠ P.S. If you've ever promised God "never again" and still folded when temptation was right in front of you, you know the gap between conviction and self-control. You can't lead her toward Christ while letting desire lead you. Inside The Kingdom Council 🏛️, you'll find brothers who won't excuse your compromises—or leave you to fight alone. Join us.

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